Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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