$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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