I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
