Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
