It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
