Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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