Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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