Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We left the knife in your bed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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