i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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