Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize