Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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