I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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