what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
