one word: firstdatebathroomanal
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
