I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize