Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
