Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
NoShamevember. You game?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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