I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
