you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
