now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
