Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
