I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you had me at cake vodka
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
