Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
