it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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