Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
