How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
