Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
