she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
