HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
