And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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