They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've blown a few things in my day
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
