His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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