Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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