Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
