Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
