Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I have post one night stand depression
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