STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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