So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
