I hate all girls vehemently.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
