Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
