He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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