party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
