Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
smell my finger.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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