Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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