One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize