i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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