I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
