In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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