I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
