the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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