i need an iv and a liver transplant
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
operation harelip BJ is a go
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We need to get me chipped asap
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
