how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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