can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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