I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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