so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
