I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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