Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
