I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sorry my hands just texted you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
