I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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