Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
