Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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