i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
