i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
