So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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