I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
