He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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