On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
